You're only given a little spark of madness. You mustn't lose it. Robin Williams

Location: Kentucky, United States

Saturday, August 31, 2002

This is my new blogchalk:
United States, Kentucky, pineknob, small, English, Timmy, Male, 41-45, photography, reading. :)

Another Time?

We ended up in a funeral home tonight. It was not a part of the planned weekend to say the least. A lady my wife works with lost her husband in a construction accident. While working on a church reconstruction he fell to his death. The worst part of this was he had already set up another job site to go to because he was uncomfortable with the climbing. There has been a little too much of this in our minds lately. This guy was my age. I didn't know him personally, but with my wife's grandmother dying slowly right now we are more sensitive to just how fragile we really are.

My daughter, our oldest child was married in June. It was without doubt the clearest, most purpose driven day of my life. When we came to the top of the stairs in the atrium with her on my arm it was the most perfect moment I have ever had. That day was like a movie. I was this guy who had everything he had ever dreamt of. Everything that mattered was there. I could have died that day without a regret.

I've worked over twenty years in the medical field. I have done cpr countless times. I have stood at the head of the stretcher breathing for someone with a ambu bag knowing they could see me,watching the light disappear in their eyes. Leaving the room knowing my face was the last thing they saw. It has had an effect on me. Everything is hued with it, like despair colored glasses. My wife the RN, cried today for me. Not because of what happened to her coworker, but because of what she knows will someday happen to us. We know the sound of weeping in the hallway. We can never forget the wail of parents who have lost a child. Hemingway said "all true stories end in death." So we held on to each other like it was the last time, a perfect moment. Everything that mattered was there.

Bells and Whistles

You know I would pay good money, and I mean bucks right now for a Dummy book for Blogger. I've just spent 6+ hours trying to get an image back up on my site after losing the banner when I upgraded to plus 25 and Blogger Pro. I have really been looking forward to this long weekend off, and had planned to get the "bells and whistles" up and running on Another Time. This was supposed to be fun. Tomorrow I might think so, but right now I'm almost blind from the numbing brain lock. A note for every other newbie out there, when you change the html in the template you must post and publish before those changes take effect. Duh.

Thursday, August 29, 2002

My wife's family is making a booklet that tells about their grandmothers life. The children and grandchildren all have written spots telling of their memories of "Big Mamma". There is a little room left over in the planned booklet space and I was asked to contribute my thoughts. My spot is limited to three lines. Three Lines?? I'm feel honored to be asked, but how can I say what I feel in only three lines. This is what I've written trying to keep to the limit. Since it probably won't make it into the booklet whole I 'll put it here.

“You’re going to want some of those boiled potatoes,” Bev said. I don’t like boiled potatoes; to me they are a waste of one of my favorite vegetables. They’re bland and boring, no flavor. I took just enough to make Big see I had tried everything she had made for supper and then passed the bowl. I tasted one and immediately took the bowl back to pile more on. She wouldn’t tell me how she got so much wonderful meaty flavor all the way to the center of a boiled potato. I still don’t like boiled potatoes, just Big’s.

I learned that she could do that with everything. She brought a seasoning of wisdom to whatever she touched. I learned to listen with my full attention whenever she had something to tell me no matter how mundane the subject because I was afraid of what I might miss. She added such a wonderful flavor to my family. I wish I could have known her all my life.

Tuesday, August 27, 2002

I took my youngest son to the county fair this afternoon. He ran around with one of his church buddies for four hours. I brought the new camera and spent the entire time experimenting. I had the laptop in the trunk of the car to store images on. I ended up with over one hundred and twenty images to work with.

Our county fair is very small. It's very "country". We have a demolition derby one night and a tractor pull on Saturday night which is the biggest draw. Tonight was the Miss Grayson county beauty pagent which is a real big deal around here. I've never understood it.

For that matter the tractor pull is pretty strange too. But I have to admit though I never go to see it, the idea of playing "adult' bumper cars does sound rather fun to me. I remember seeing it on Wide World of Sports as a kid. I miss that show. I would go to my grandmothers house an watch it on her black and white console tv. I always liked the strange sports. Remember the cliff diving from Mexico? Or how about the weight lifting where that Russian, I can't think of his name at the moment, but he would set a new world record every show. It was always just a few pounds more each time because he got a bonus from the USSR each time he broke a new record,so he spaced it out. My favorite though was the Highland games with the Kaber tossing. I have no idea how to spell "Kaber", but you get the idea. It was like this huge telephone pole these huge guys would balance up, run a few steps and then hurl in the air. I had a old fence post I would toss around the yard pretending I was playing the real thing.

I need to do that again. At least find that wonder in myself again. The camera has helped lately. I read a quote recently that went something like," a camera is a tool that teaches you how to see when your not using it". I don't remember who said it but there is truth in it. I'm looking forward to working with the images from our little fair. Soon I am going to add my ftp site so I can bring some of these images to my blog. Another Time

Monday, August 26, 2002

We've spent the entire weekend at the hospital. My wife's Grandmother is dying. It's just a matter of waiting. She woke up from all the pain medication last night to eat some chicken noodle soup and drink of few sips of buttermilk (one of her favorites). The amazing thing is that even at ninety, dying of a tumor related bowel obstruction, her kidneys shut down, a diabetic with inoperable heart disease, her mind is still very sharp. When she woke up she ask "what's goin on ? We told her about Louisville winning the Little League World series and she said "Imagine that". Then she talked with my son in law about the awful things going on overseas with the war on terrorism.

Die/Dying cease to exist; fade away. That is what the dictionary says, but I just don't see it. Instead it's like the Biblical example of strength revealed in weakness. Now when she is at her lowest, in the hearts of her family we find strength remembering what she taught us. We see the strength in her weakness, as she teaches us how a christian woman meets death. I don't feel glad that she's leaving us, there will be plenty of tears when it's finally over, but what I keep thinking is "oh my God, what a Life". After nine decades and all the things she has lived through and seen, she leaves as the supreme matriarch of the family, a treasure trove of wisdom and guidance that we know we will never see the likes of again. Amazing...simply amazing.

Thursday, August 22, 2002

Time to start. I keep waiting for something profound. I worry about my grammar or my spelling ( both are awful). I worry about my intended readers, what image I am presenting. Enough already. No one knows I'm here.

I like to buy journals, I stand in the store and leaf through the empty pages. Feel the heft of the volume, the binding, and I think all I have to say. It bubbles and burns like some angst driven heart burn, but never enough. I have three or four laying around the house. The best of these is a small leather bound journal that was fairly expensive. There is nothing in them. Not a word. I keep waiting for something to say that hasn't been said thousands of times over by people smarter, wiser or more creative than I am.

I think all of us when we are younger think we will be different. We look around at the grey boring lives around us and we swear we will flame and burn. Our lives will be short and bright and tragic. What's worse, is being average, normal, predictable.

So enough already. My feelings do count. There is nothing grander or more noble than to be a Man. To be honest, a supporter and provider for my family. To want what is better and true. To never stop trying to learn, even at the cost of my own beliefs. And if this sounds hokey and boring to you then move along. My fight is Today, and your weight is not welcome.

Another Time

Wednesday, August 14, 2002

Geek Heaven

I have often wondered if I was really a Geek or just another wannabe pseudo-geek. Now I am sure of it.

Saturday, August 03, 2002

We bought our first digital camera a couple of weeks ago. I finally got to play with it for a few hours today. As soon as I figure out all the in's and out's posting pictures to this site I will share them with everybody.