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You're only given a little spark of madness. You mustn't lose it. Robin Williams

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Location: Kentucky, United States

Saturday, August 31, 2002

Another Time?

We ended up in a funeral home tonight. It was not a part of the planned weekend to say the least. A lady my wife works with lost her husband in a construction accident. While working on a church reconstruction he fell to his death. The worst part of this was he had already set up another job site to go to because he was uncomfortable with the climbing. There has been a little too much of this in our minds lately. This guy was my age. I didn't know him personally, but with my wife's grandmother dying slowly right now we are more sensitive to just how fragile we really are.

My daughter, our oldest child was married in June. It was without doubt the clearest, most purpose driven day of my life. When we came to the top of the stairs in the atrium with her on my arm it was the most perfect moment I have ever had. That day was like a movie. I was this guy who had everything he had ever dreamt of. Everything that mattered was there. I could have died that day without a regret.

I've worked over twenty years in the medical field. I have done cpr countless times. I have stood at the head of the stretcher breathing for someone with a ambu bag knowing they could see me,watching the light disappear in their eyes. Leaving the room knowing my face was the last thing they saw. It has had an effect on me. Everything is hued with it, like despair colored glasses. My wife the RN, cried today for me. Not because of what happened to her coworker, but because of what she knows will someday happen to us. We know the sound of weeping in the hallway. We can never forget the wail of parents who have lost a child. Hemingway said "all true stories end in death." So we held on to each other like it was the last time, a perfect moment. Everything that mattered was there.

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